Lapband easter...

I am stunned. Shocked! Flabbergasted! I think I just figured out that it isn't all about me?

I should start with a happy Easter everyone. I hope you had a nice long weekend (I know, I know, it's not finished yet). This was a pretty challenging weekend for me.  I went to my mom's for Easter dinner on Saturday, and dinner at my in-laws this evening. So thanks to me, no one in either family got a traditional easter dinner; as I do not consume, turkey, pig, beef or chicken (if we are listing meats I don't eat - I as of yet have tried duck or lamb). I eat fish. Well, seafood really. On Good Friday I went out to dinner for my girlfriend's 35th b-day and had trout (which was yummy but gross thanks to all the fish bones I had to remove) like a good catholic. If only I were catholic this would actually matter. 


On Saturday I headed over to my mom's house for a spread that she worked really hard to come up with. I had several conversations with her in which I offered to just bring myself some fish and she could make whatever she wanted. But mommies being who they are, just have to accommodate their children - take care of them. Like I said, I felt pretty bad that everyone got cheated out of their Easter dinner for food that my mom thought I could eat. She worked hard on coming up with a menu, consulted with the other members of my family. Probably had to buy special ingredients that she doesn't normally have on hand. Needless to say, she put a lot of effort into this meal. She made a rice-less Jambalaya (I can't eat rice), some carrot dish that everyone raved about(if there is one vegetable I can' eat, it's carrots - even if they are shredded and cooked), a chicken curry-esq dish (did I mention I can't eat chicken?), a vegetable couscous (YES!!! This I can enjoy), plus the bacon wrapped scallops that we brought (part offering of help towards the meal, part insurance plan). Of that fare, I was only able to eat the Jambalaya, the couscous and the scallops and managed to down 2.5 scallops, 1-2 bite of couscous and 1 shrimp from the Jambalaya before the whole meal came to a screeching halt (for me) thanks to my own stupidity. I had to eat my mom's homemade bread. Mike, you weren't there, but I know you know why I did it. I blocked, vomited a bit and had ice cream.  Yeah for me.  Did I mention that I feel bad that my mom went to all this trouble and worked real hard at putting a meal together just to accommodate me and my needs and in the end I couldn't eat half of what she made, AND I still blocked AND no one got their traditional Easter meal. Sigh. But throughout this whole experience, I was at my mom's house. It's a comfortable and safe environment for me and I didn't feel too awkward with the whole thing because it was such a minor block that it was settled immediately and I could go back to the table and eat a little more (ice cream). I think the worst part about blocking is my perception of what everyone else is thinking. 


Enter dinner number two. The in-laws. So my mother in law mentioned on Tuesday when we saw them that they were making chicken, "You eat chicken right?" she asked. Since I had just blogged about how I wanted to re-introduce it into my diet I said yes. I love my in-laws. They are really generous and they would go above and beyond for me (and my family) but their eating habits don't exactly align with mine. They are more an old school, meat and potatoes kind of peeps. And so that is the second reason why I didn't say I couldn't eat chicken. But during the week I realized I was too afraid to end up blocking and have an unpleasant evening due to chicken ingestion (or lack there of),  so I decided to bring fish. I show up there this evening with my fish, and Guy gives it to his mom making some joke about how it's a gift, and his mom wants to freeze it immediately. I say that it is my supper and that I am just too nervous to eat chicken. She looks slightly dismayed but soldiers on saying no problem! Then my father-in-law goes on about how they should have made roast beef. I clarify that I haven't been able to eat beef since I had the surgery, so I would not have eaten the meal regardless (IRREGARDLESS!). He then says once again that they could have been eating roast beef, and I now feel like the biggest heel ever! My mother in-law then verifies that I can eat french fries right? I say yes, of course. I mean when I was out on Friday night for dinner I had these amazing roasted mini red potatoes that more or less tasted french fry-esq. So yeah, I can eat fries. I clearly don't learn my lesson the first time round. Remember a few weeks back when I thought I would have french fries and how amazing it would be and in the end I blocked, puked and ended up with nothing in my stomach? Just repeat that scenario, only at my in-laws. During Easter dinner. After I told then I was eating fish so I wouldn't block and that I could eat french fries. I think I managed 5 bites. Blocked and spent the rest of the meal in the bathroom. Not even sure if they could hear me puking or not. Then my mother-in-law asks me if I will have dessert. Uhhhh nope. But once again she looks disheartened, so I ask if she has ice cream. She rallies and is happy once again. What a colossal mistake on my behalf. I have not finished, I am still blocked. The ice cream, well it doesn't make it all better. I abruptly tell Guy we have to go. I wrangle my two overtired, unimpressed children and off we go. I am uncomfortable, unwell even and I just want to get home. The car ride back was less than stellar. We had to pull over so I could spit out all the saliva that was pooling at an alarming rate in my mouth. And off we went again. I barely made it home. We pull up to the house and some obnoxious family of four out for their familial bonding walk just happens to be coming up to our house. They walked at the pace of a snail and I think even paused to smile at us and allow to bask in the glory that is their offspring (riding their bikes on our lawn), before sauntering on. I almost puked on my winshield thanks to them. Jumped out of the car and bolted for the house, leaving Guy to deal with our kids. 

I worry that my in-laws, having never really experienced any of this (an not having a computer, have never read my blog) are now going to be convinced that I am bulimic.  I mean, I was pretty convincing of that this evening.

Well there you have it. Easter, lapband stylez! I don't know. I mean like I said up top, I am realizing how much my decisions are affecting those around me. Even though this is about me, it's not just about me. Wow. That is mind blowing. I mean I have labored under the false impression that EVERYTHING is about me. WTF! It's just weird. And uncomfortable. I have to learn how to do family functions I guess. But I keep moving forward. I keep losing weight. I will wear some mighty fine clothes! Wait for it, someday this will be a blog about my shopping.  


Hope your Easter was a bit smoother. Oh CRAP! I am suppose to have brunch with my dad tomorrow. Is the problem Easter? Will I survive another meal? Aaaahhhhhhhhh!

good news, bad new

So a lot has happened, sorta, in the last couple of weeks. First of all I hit my first major mild stone, I hit the 50 lb mark recently. I am slightly shocked that I didn't get on here and blog about it right away. But there you have it. I have lost a total of 53 lbs to date. I am pretty excited about that.

On the flip side of that last week was a little hard. I think I am still in mourning a little. Last week I really wanted a big old burger or a nice rib steak. This is sooo not an option. I know that and most of the time I am fine with that, however last week I really wanted that. I couldn't indulge in those cravings, so I bought stuff I could consume. Over a 5 day period I bough a lot of chocolate, 3 bags of chips and 1 pint of Häagen-Dazs, and 2 frozen yogurt containers. Please note that I did not eat all of this, I just bought it. I ate some of the Häagen-Dazs and a bit of the chips, but I did eat lots of chocolate. Lots. It's hard to write what I want to say because frankly, I did it, I know I was just missing big ol' beef products and trying to get the same happy feeling from something else. WTF? I am weird.

On a completely different note, I managed to go for a walk during my lunch hour this week. I was nice, but slightly depressing. We walked for 30 mins, doing the touristy thing and walking parliment. It was fine till I got back to the office and broke out sweating. Eeeewww! Oh well. I am going to try to do that 3 times a week. That is the goal. I am also suppose to sign up for belly dancing classes that start next week. Still haven't done it. My exercise buddy seems to be flaking out. Do I still go? I really want someone to go with. Sigh. I'll figure it out.

As I may have mentioned previously, I have stopped eating chicken. I was blocking with it and didn't really feel up to trying to consume it. Well, I am not sure if it is chicken or how I am eating it, so I am going to give chicken another try. I will try it cut up tiny, like feeding your 6 month old tiny. hopefully I can continue to eat chicken. Right now I eat fish and veggies and couscous (and the occasional pasta dish). I just need more. But on the brighter side of things, anything I make from that cookbook, is delicious! I have made quite a few recipes and they are fabulous.

Well this post has been challenging, and possibly incoherent. I am attempting to blog with 2 kids playing... not the best idea I have ever had.

later gator

Oh... the name of the cookbook...

Funny story that, while writing my blog yesterday I took the time to google the correct title of the cookbook so that I could provide it for you. Then completely didn't give it... so here you go:

Canadian living: the vegetarian collection

Everything is delicious so far!

Confessions of a foodaholic

After deciding to completely change my dinner menu, I knew exactly what I was going to blog about. I was going to come on here and confess to bad food choices that are totally worth it.

Well, as it turns out, this is a confession of another sort. We were suppose to have taco salads for dinner. We were going to pick up some ground chicken and make some yummy salad. But Guy mentioned that he had bought sausage from the sausage kitchen and that really made me want BBQ. The poor girls have been eating a lot of "not their favorite" foods (spinach galette, chick pea and swiss chard curry, summer vegetable tian) so I went CRAZY! We had BBQ sausage with french fries (and gravy!). Delicious. Till I puked; for an hour. OMG.

So as it turns out, french fries are not worth it. Vomiting for over an hour and never really feeling better is (as it turns) not fun at all. And I ended up with absolutely nothing in my belly. Sigh.

the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth... so help me god!

So I went to see my doctor today, and if you recall correctly I said I would be very honest with him about where I was at (maybe I just thought it and never confessed it to cyber space). Well, you will be pleased to hear that this was probably my most honest meeting with him to date. Don't panic, I don't go there to lie but at times I may not have told the whole truth.

Today I went in and just laid it all down. He asked me how things were, and I told him how they were:
I said that I was just this side of becoming a vegetarian. I can no longer eat read meat, or pork and now I don't think I can eat chicken (unless ground). He then clarified that this was not a decision based on my "feelings" about the animals. I said no, that I was in mourning for the lack of steak in my life. That I loved me a dead animal carcase on my plate (ok, I may be taking creative license on how that was phrased exactly). He was surprised and slightly concerned that I could no longer eat chicken - he has a protein thing; it's apparently all about protein. Apparently this is NOT a common "side effect". However I reassured him that I was consuming sufficient protein amounts. That I eat ground meats, but mostly consume fish (which made him happy) and veggies. He asked me about portion sizes and about my breakfast routines. When I told him the sizes for my lunch and dinner plates and what my am routine was, again he was happy with that.

At one point he said that it seemed like I was doing really well, that I was controlling my cravings well. I interrupted him (I know, you raised me better than that mom) to point out (and really come clean) that I have a chocolate problem, and do occasionally give in to said desires (see Kelly? nothing but the truth). He was still  pleased with me. He asked me whether or not I could "feel" a difference; in my body or clothing. Today was the first time I could emphatically say yes. There is a definite difference. He asked me "what is your plan?" or something along those lines, and I responded like this: at this point in time, I think I almost have this under control. I need to incorporate the exercise into this whole process and I plan on doing that by walking at lunch time and possibly taking a belly dancing class (that you Kelly... ahem!). He said that that was great, and that dancing was the best exercise possible. He also wants me to exercise with my family. We are going to try to walk after dinner. We shall see.

Things I am figuring out at this point:

a - I can't eat chicken.
b - I am surprised at how much time I spend thinking about food. Like I told the doctor, I thought I would stop obsessing about food after this operation, but now I find myself even more preoccupied by it.
c - Every time I think I have things under control, the game changes.
d - Despite item C, I feel good about where I am at in this process.

So what does this all mean? Well today was the first time I went to visit my doctor and NOT get an adjustment done. He is extremely pleased with my results and attitude. He is even impressed with me. So although I can't eat chicken anymore, at least I know that that is one of my limitations and I am no longer blocking every time I eat it ('cause I don't eat it anymore!!!). I feel like I am just about to hit my "groove" with this whole thing. I feel like I have figured out how this needs to work for me. I also think that I am about to become really successful.

Speaking of success, one of the reasons why my eating is going so smoothly is thanks to my Tante Lil. She recommended a cookbook to me a few months back, that she and her daughter's all have. I could have saved myself a lot of grief over the last few months if I would have just gone out and picked it up but alas, I didn't. I do however own it now. I have had it in my possession for less than a week. Have made 4 recipes from it and will point out that Tante, you were right - everything is delish so far. Yum!

Now on to the best part. PICTURES!

I was talking with my sister a couple of weeks back, and she was complaining that I had not post pictures in a while. I told her that I had taken them (in March), but that there wasn't much change from the February photo to the March photo - so I hadn't posted it. She said that she doesn't get to see me everyday, and that she was sure that she would see a difference. I don't think she would have for the feb/march pictures, but I will make an effort to post a photo every month regardless of how I feel about it. So without further ado, here is the March/April (taken today) photos:

BTW, I'm only posting the side view because I find it more... descriptive of the changes. Should I be posting a front facing shot as well? Let me know.

P.S. t-minus 2 lbs till I hit the big 50!