Well, still working on my chocolate issues. I have made the decision not to buy chocolate. So far so good. I think I have gone 3 or four days now. Can't remember exactly. It came close yesterday, it was 7, I hadn't had dinner and we walked by the cutest Aero egg ever! It sooooo wanted me to purchase and consume it. I had it in my hand, walked it to the cash... but at the very last minute left it. All because the hubby was strong and didn't want one either. YAY for hubbies! I should mention that this does not mean that I have not eaten chocolate. There may be a bit of chocolate lying around the house (but not much, trust me!).
I would like to mention that I have not kept a food journal since my last post. I keep intending to do this, but never seem to get around to it. I will endeavor to do so. I have booked an appointment for March 5 to have an fill done, so I would like to go in armed with some good intel.
As for exercise, well what can I say. I was doing pretty good before my Vegas trip (we left Jan 29 and came back Feb 2). While in Vegas, I walked so much I lost weight (only 3 lbs but still!!!). However, I have been fighting this cold that has been hanging out in my lungs since before Christmas. And the week we got back from Vegas, my brand new hacking cough really came out to play. I could barely breath without coughing let alone workout. So I have been out of commission since then. I am still coughing, but soooo much better. I was telling the hubby that I felt a lot better and would get back to it this week, but I didn't quite manage. I was still coughing quite a bit and super busy. However, this evening I came downstairs and was getting ready to get all comfy on the couch when it hit me that tonight I had time to get back to it! I went back upstairs and preemptively dosed up the Ventolin. Back downstairs, turned on Gray's and started walking. I wasn't able to go as fast as the program so I slowed down a tiny bit after 10 mins and managed a 20 minute walk. I'm back!
Lastly, I finally have an appointment to see a surgeon re the gallstones (Feb 24)!!! FINALLY! The week I came back from Vegas I had 5 attacks in 7 days. I was exhausted and sore. I even went to see my family MD to get pain killers for any future attacks, and got some good shit. Just haven't had a big enough attack to use it. Sigh. Freakin' stones. Can you believe that I got these BECAUSE I am eating healthily and losing weight? I mean where is the incentive to change your lifestyle and do better? Oh, I know. How about you get healthy start eating right, exercising and lose weight for health reasons (or whatever) and then you can get all sorts of really crappy side effects! I mean I can handle the perpetually cold feeling (I love layering, it really is a side effect that works with fashion), but the massive hair loss and then the gallstones. Come on!
Anyways, that is where I am at for now. Oh, totally bored with food, but still trudging along. I try to stay positive but it is hard sometimes. I feel like nothing is happening, that I am at a stand still, and then some fabulous person will tell me how I look like I've lost weight. God bless you for that. And the hubby is constantly marveling at how small my clothes has gotten. I think that's great, but ironic. My clothes is tiny, but you could probably still fit two if not three people my sister's size in my jeans. Can't win them all I guess. Gotta play the long game right?
BTW, if you have any suggestions for great recipes, please send them my way. Have to be super healthy and can't involve beef (unless ground) or pork. I have rediscovered a love of stirfry; cooked veggies are the best. Oooo, I will post an updated pictures next time (I'll take it before my next adjustment) so we can see if the adjustment makes a difference.
TTFN.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Hello, my name is Moriah and I'm a...
Chocoholic. Wow it is freeing. Ok, not that freeing. I pretty sure that anyone who knows me, knows this little fact about me. I love chocolate. I can live without most of the food that I have had to eliminate from my diet, but chocolate... I have a problem. It's been 48 hours since a last purchased chocolate. But let's be honest, I am eating some as I write this.
I have decided to keep a food diary until I see my md next. I mean, aside from the glaringly obvious chocolate addiction/issues I have, I am wondering how far I have strayed from when I was successfully loosing weight. I am mostly maintaining at a specific number. Is it because I am now exercising... well maybe but honestly, I haven't really moved weight wise in a couple of months and before that it was a couple pounds here and there. I need something more. I don't know my portion sizes any more (they are a lot smaller then when I started, but are they too big or normal or too small?) and I don't really know if I am eating more starch than I was. As I have mentioned a few times now, I need an adjustment. However, I think I am a little wary of that since the last one (which I had almost a year ago). It was a long and difficult adjustment and I am nervous.
I mean I can no longer enjoy a lot of foods I once did (I price I am more than willing to pay), but how much more can I cut out? I often eat chocolate, not only because I absolutely love it, but because I know it will go down without any issue and give me a little energy boost.
I guess I have a laundry list of things I need to ask my MD.
Should I get an adjustment?
Is it normal to have pain at my port site? What is the cause?
How am I progressing ? Am I on track?
How can I loose more weight?
What else? There were so many questions that I thought of and then forgot. Sigh.
As I have said many times, I think it would be nice to have a program just for us lap-band patients. This is a struggle, and it is made even more difficult by the lack of support. A dietitian, a support group, an exercise specialist maybe? I don't know, what does this type of program normally have?
There is no reference point for me and I struggle with that.
I remember when this all started and they told us (at the info session provided pre-surgery) that this was a slow process and that although gastric by-pass patients had the majority of their success in the first 18 mo, that lap-band patients took 3 years to achieve the same overall weight-loss. I know that I thought that that was fine and that that was what I wanted. You know, the slow healthy, life-style changing approach. But I have to admit that deep down, I thought I would be the exception to the rule. Just look at my old posts. At one point I hoped to have lost 100lbs by year one... and that was me trying to be realistic. Here I sit, still at 65lbs. My doctor is constantly telling me not to look at the number. It isn't real. But it's all I have. It's all I've accomplished.
It feels like so much and so little at the same time. Look at me:
I have no idea where to go with this. I don't think I have a positive "Yay, everything will work out" for you today.
I also need to mention that I miss steak, hamburgers (with a bun), sandwiches and french fries. Try finding food you can eat when traveling. It's near impossible! I am reduced to coffee breakfasts and if I'm lucky some fatty pastry such as a croissant for breakfast (as everything else is hard to find), pizza (blah) or something equally easy for lunch, if I'm feeling lucky a hamburger for dinner. But I usually end up with appetizers. It rather challenging eating much of anything else without risking blocking. ON the up side I don't gain weight on vaca, on the down side, I can't go to a restaurant without checking where the washrooms are.
"Hello, Moriah. This is your life!" I needed a little Sesame Street moment there.
Some of you may be curious about the exercise/treadmill progress. Well I have made it up to 20 mins per and a minimum of 3 times per week. However, two things have affected my regiment recently: (1) I have a cold that causes me to hack up a long when I breath, talk or any such activity, (2) I went to Vegas for a week. On the bright side of things, I walked everywhere, for hours, non-stop while in Vegas (feeling like I still got in my exercise). On the down side, I don't think the treadmill and I will be spending quality time together anytime soon (next week for sure - I have to be able to breath without hacking up a long).
And on that note, that's it for me.
I have decided to keep a food diary until I see my md next. I mean, aside from the glaringly obvious chocolate addiction/issues I have, I am wondering how far I have strayed from when I was successfully loosing weight. I am mostly maintaining at a specific number. Is it because I am now exercising... well maybe but honestly, I haven't really moved weight wise in a couple of months and before that it was a couple pounds here and there. I need something more. I don't know my portion sizes any more (they are a lot smaller then when I started, but are they too big or normal or too small?) and I don't really know if I am eating more starch than I was. As I have mentioned a few times now, I need an adjustment. However, I think I am a little wary of that since the last one (which I had almost a year ago). It was a long and difficult adjustment and I am nervous.
I mean I can no longer enjoy a lot of foods I once did (I price I am more than willing to pay), but how much more can I cut out? I often eat chocolate, not only because I absolutely love it, but because I know it will go down without any issue and give me a little energy boost.
I guess I have a laundry list of things I need to ask my MD.
Should I get an adjustment?
Is it normal to have pain at my port site? What is the cause?
How am I progressing ? Am I on track?
How can I loose more weight?
What else? There were so many questions that I thought of and then forgot. Sigh.
As I have said many times, I think it would be nice to have a program just for us lap-band patients. This is a struggle, and it is made even more difficult by the lack of support. A dietitian, a support group, an exercise specialist maybe? I don't know, what does this type of program normally have?
There is no reference point for me and I struggle with that.
I remember when this all started and they told us (at the info session provided pre-surgery) that this was a slow process and that although gastric by-pass patients had the majority of their success in the first 18 mo, that lap-band patients took 3 years to achieve the same overall weight-loss. I know that I thought that that was fine and that that was what I wanted. You know, the slow healthy, life-style changing approach. But I have to admit that deep down, I thought I would be the exception to the rule. Just look at my old posts. At one point I hoped to have lost 100lbs by year one... and that was me trying to be realistic. Here I sit, still at 65lbs. My doctor is constantly telling me not to look at the number. It isn't real. But it's all I have. It's all I've accomplished.
It feels like so much and so little at the same time. Look at me:
- I'm traveling and fitting into the airplane seat and seat-belt (YAY!)
- I'm haven't lost more than 65lbs
- I am down from a size 26 to a size 20
- That hasn't changed in quite a few months
- I can walk faster and much further/longer than I could have a year ago
- My bra size has shrunk *sob* (not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing)
- I have always prided myself on not having flabby, flappy skin - well I do now. It's wrinkly and creepy and gross... and I am not even close to done.
- I can't even tell people my starting weight (out loud or written)
- I'm still terrified of failing... at a surgical procedure for weight-loss
- Sometimes I look at myself and feel like a million dollars (look at how small I am!)!
- Sometimes I look at myself and think: God, you lost 65 lbs and your still fat!
I have no idea where to go with this. I don't think I have a positive "Yay, everything will work out" for you today.
I also need to mention that I miss steak, hamburgers (with a bun), sandwiches and french fries. Try finding food you can eat when traveling. It's near impossible! I am reduced to coffee breakfasts and if I'm lucky some fatty pastry such as a croissant for breakfast (as everything else is hard to find), pizza (blah) or something equally easy for lunch, if I'm feeling lucky a hamburger for dinner. But I usually end up with appetizers. It rather challenging eating much of anything else without risking blocking. ON the up side I don't gain weight on vaca, on the down side, I can't go to a restaurant without checking where the washrooms are.
"Hello, Moriah. This is your life!" I needed a little Sesame Street moment there.
Some of you may be curious about the exercise/treadmill progress. Well I have made it up to 20 mins per and a minimum of 3 times per week. However, two things have affected my regiment recently: (1) I have a cold that causes me to hack up a long when I breath, talk or any such activity, (2) I went to Vegas for a week. On the bright side of things, I walked everywhere, for hours, non-stop while in Vegas (feeling like I still got in my exercise). On the down side, I don't think the treadmill and I will be spending quality time together anytime soon (next week for sure - I have to be able to breath without hacking up a long).
And on that note, that's it for me.
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