I am obsessed.

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Food is the only thing (or pretty darn close to) I think about. Oh sure, I get distracted with life’s little issues, but I swear my life is all about food. For years it was about the foods I loved and eating and enjoying it. I would eat decadent food and not worry about it. What do I care? I am already fluffy anyways, right? I started changing this habit when I was pregnant with my first kiddo. I thought: how could I expect her to eat well and be healthy if I am not doing it. So the hubby and I started changing our eating habits, for the sake of the children.

Then I had an epiphany. I reached that point where I wanted to lose weight, for me, for my health, for my happiness. I was finally willing to sacrifice the “happiness” food gave me for a healthier life. So I had surgery and got the Lapband. Let’s be honest, there was a lot more to the decision than that, but for brevity’s sake… there it is. I subsequently spent a couple of years worrying about everything I put in my mouth (Oh My!), and not in an “will it make me fat” kind of way. Honestly? I still haven't reached the point where I am concerned about how the food will affect my waisteline. I am sure it will come. Me? I worried about whether I could eat something or if it would make me block/vomit. I had to make sure that I was eating healthy getting in the protein and nutrients from fruits and veggies, which was a challenge as everything seemed to make me block. The upside? It forced me to essentially eliminate starches from my diet. The downside? It forced me to essentially eliminate starches from my diet! This was a big one for me. I blame it on the fact that I think I was crazily addicted to starch. I loved (and still do) bread. Had a thing for pasta and rice. I loved starch.  But I learned to eat without it and my kids have grown up thinking that your plate must have vegetables and protein. They don’t even consider starch. Which I think is awesome.

I also had to learn how to eat generally speaking, not just making sure I was getting enough whatever (fruits/veg/meat) but how not to block every time I sat down at the table. That meant that I had to learn that there were external factors that could affect my ability to eat such at the weather, my cycle, the order I eat food, the speed with which I eat… EVERYTHING, it seemed affected whether or not I would block. Once I had that figured out… Oh honestly, I still screw up and block but it's way less frequently and I usually know what I did wrong.

Figuring out how to eat? Well, that led to a whole other set of problems. 1) I learnt how to eat with the Lapband – no I am not just repeating myself; and 2) I also picked up a few pad habits (namely ice cream/frozen yogurt and chocolate) along the way. I have a restrictive band (so I eat WAY less than I used to) but I have learned how to eat with it which means I learned how to eat more AND eat some of the things I couldn’t before. As such,  I plateau-ed way sooner than I thought possible.

So where did that leave me? It left me with the realization that I had to Google healthy meal plans. This in turn got me on this whole Real Food school of thought. I won't go into all they whys and wherefores but let's just say that if you are on FB with me, I am sure you have had a few snapshots and Status Updates about this. The more I discovered the more I became committed to this. And honestly? It wasn't a big a step from the "healthy eating" that I started 7 years ago when I had my first child. It's just been the natural progression of everything I have been working towards, without knowing what I was working towards. So now I am making über healthy lunches for my kiddo (the one at school) and trying to make meals from scratch instead of buying pre-made versions. I am slowly inching my way towards whole, everything (flour, oats, grains, etc…). As I am working towards accomplishing all these crazy lifestyle changes for my family and I, I stumbled upon this Love Your Greens 30 Day Challenge by the folks at Unconventional Kitchen (http://www.unconventionalkitchen.com). Again, if you have read any of my blog posts, you know that I have a smoothie almost every morning. So why not try to make it better? And so we took up the challenge! I have been making green smoothies for over two weeks and the kiddos LOVE them. They beg for them. I put spinach, kale, avocado… all sorts of amazingly good stuff in them and they are begging to have it. AMAZING!

Well, I just marvel at all of it. First off, slight tangent here, but I swear that by drinking these green smoothies I have reduced my appetite. Which is fabulous because when I thought to myself that I needed to get back to the healthier eating, I was also thinking I needed to have another fill. And frankly, that is slightly discouraging and exhausting all rolled into one. Secondly, I can't believe how much my eating habits have changed. Two years ago I was so proud of how much my eating habits had improved/changed, but when I look back it was nothing. Now? Well, I am not saying green smoothies are the solution to all your problems, but not only has my appetite been reduced, I haven't had the urge to buy any chocolate. Don’t get me wrong, I still eat ice-cream on occasion and I had a Chocolate Java Chip Frappuccino this afternoon, but I haven't wanted to buy a piece of chocolate in quite some time. Another impressive change is my kiddos. Now I already think they are amazing for eating all the strange and wonderful foods I serve them, but tonight after dinner my kids asked if there was any desert (as all kids are want to do). I asked them if they wanted green ice-cream and they said yes. I whipped up what essentially consists of frozen bananas and spinach and the LOVED it.  I love seeing them grow up thinking that vegetables are brilliant and McDonalds is disgusting. It's soooo amazing to me. So different from what I grew up thinking. 

I remember when I was first pregnant having this huge panic and fear that my kids would end up overweight and suffer like I have. Again, don't get me wrong. I have had a great life and don't think I have missed out on too much, but being fluffy is not the best or easiest path. And I was worried. I still am. But my kids have such a hugely different view of food than I did, that I have to be encouraged. I can only hope that we teach them well and that they go off to lead healthy lives. Sorry, another tangent. 

Things are changing. I am changing. I am constantly striving to do better and actually accomplish the weight loss that I have set out to achieve but that leaves me constantly thinking about food. Non-stop. What can I eat that won't cause me to block, that will be healthy, that isn't too processed? How do I organize my meals? What will I make? What do I make for my kiddo's lunch? Food, food, food. Always food. I somehow thought I would stop obsessing about food when I started this journey, but the reality is that if I do I will gain weight. I still have to obsess, just in a different way. Sometimes, it's just too much. Sometimes, I just want a steak. Or a Harvey's hamburger. Or just not have to think about the next thing I will eat. But then again, look what I have achieved.