So I think that until the next adjustment/fill, whatever, I have got the whole eating thing down pat. Cup of tea before/with my meal; especially if it is not a hot meal.
But that's not what this is about. This is about the other stuff. I am taking a trip at the end of March. I can't even tell you how excited I am. So once the shock wore off, I realized that I had gotten rid of my summer clothes at the end of the summer last year. I knew this surgery was coming up and that I probably wouldn't fit into them anymore (at least I really, really hoped I wouldn't). So I am going down south for a week and I peek into my closet to see what I can find... Well, 1 bathing suit; check. I actually found a pair of capri that I miraculously did not throw out and some summer dresses I bought last March (thinking I was heading to Vegas) . Let me tell you about these dresses. They are cute. I wore them last summer a couple of times and as it turns out, I shouldn't have. They were tight at best, yet no one thought to mention that to me. I tried them on Sunday night and wow. They are actually loose on me now. One of the dresses still has the tags on it because I couldn't fit into it last year. Well, I can now!
This is pretty exciting stuff. It amazes me that on the one hand I experience that and am thrilled and excited to see my body change. I can feel that my "daily" clothes is fitting differently. It hangs more, things are much looser. But on the other hand, I look at myself and the person I see is not the person I feel like. I feel good. I might even feel...I can't think of the right words. But I know that I am even more outgoing and "flirty". But when I look at myself, I still see the fat, unattractive (ok, attractive but ugly bodied) person that I was 6 months ago. It's almost like there should be more results. The outer shell should match how I feel, but it most definitely doesn't. So weird.
I'm not really depressed about it, I just marvel at the human mind and how we process things. You hear people say that when a person looses weight, they need to learn to see themselves as they are, not as they were. I never thought that that would be a problem for me. Actually I still don't. I guess for me, it's more a realization that I don't like the body I currently own. And that was never a major problem before. My body was just that, the body I had. No it wasn't great but it wasn't changing, so accept and make the best of it. But now? Now I know it's going to keep changing. I am working so hard at this. Every time I need to put food into my body, it is effort and a whole lot of decisions. This isn't just miraculously happening on it's own. So I guess with all this effort and work, I expect more... evidence.
I noticed this week that my winter coat now actually is loose on me (YAY!). But I still don't actually look good in it (BOO). Like I say, it is quite a dichotomy.
So last time I gave a number I was at a 40 lb loss. I still don't know where I am at now. The scale varies so much from weigh in to weigh in that I literally have to wait a full month to really see my weight loss reflected on the scale. I am hoping to hit Puerto Plata and minus 50 pounds. We will see.
Lastly, I was at a birthday party this weekend for a friends daughter and of course other of her friends were there. People I have gotten to know over the years through this common friend. One of these ladies was saying how she was following my weight loss journey and read my blog all the time. I was totally stunned by this. I was amazed. I mean, yeah my close friends and family read it; they have to so that when I say did you see my blog, they can actually talk about it with me. I know that some of my extended family is following (love you all!) because they love and support me. But I never realized how far spread this could actually become. I mean I have 10 followers according to the blog. I think that is awesome! Keep reading! I find it absolutely incredible how interested people are in weight loss. Who would have thought it. Everybody lives their own struggle in the end. Nobody really gets to go about living (and more importantly eating) without having to weigh the pros and cons of every bite.
Huh. I've said it before, but I guess I realize it just a bit more everyday. This really is for life. This is just the beginning of a lifetime journey.
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