I apologize from from the get go. I am pretty sure that (as in the past) I will, throughout this whole ordeal, reference my friend Kelly a lot. She's this fabulous women that I love to hang out with. She's really shy and quiet... NOT! She is a strong, OPINIONATED, outspoken, fun-loving woman that is living her own weight loss journey right now. We have taken two completely different approaches, but talk a lot about the whole experience. She's like my own personal support group. AND she spends most of her days giving me grief, forcing me to do better and strive for more. I am quite certain that this wouldn't be nearly as... "easy" without her. She's my sounding board, so you'll hear me reference her... TONS. Also, being who I am there may be a touch of sarcasm when I do loosely quote her.
A friend from high school messaged me after one of my posts and gave me some really great comments, she also asked how I ended up deciding to have the surgery. So that's what I think I will try to answer. I say try, because I really don't have a clear epiphany kind of moment when the universe spoke to me and there it was, the solution! No, it was more like a winding road that I followed and ended up here. Blogging, with a tube wrapped around my stomach.
I guess I should mention that I am not against plastic surgery. I have had laser eye surgery (and now live a happy glasses-free existence), electrolysis and laser hair removal. I am not against the idea of having my breast lifted (not implants, just a course correction for my boobs, 'cause clearly mother nature took a wrong turn after 2 kids and all this weight). Maybe get a tummy tuck after all this is done, but I am hoping that with the slow weight loss route I have chosen, that won't be necessary. WTF does that have to due with why I chose this surgery, well lets see.
I was tired of failing. I have been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember. My mother has been watching what I put in my mouth since forever, and God bless her but she would say that should couldn't understand why I couldn't just eat fruit for a weekend and lose 5 lbs like her. Have you met my mom? She did not spend her life as one of the fluffy people. BTW I don't blame my mom at all. She did her best and only wanted the best for me. This is not about her. This is about me. I was always slightly/quite overweight. Like I was saying, I tried everything. As I became an adult I even spent money trying to lose weight. Gym memberships, diets, diet books, shakes. God I even suffered the humiliation of being one of the many who did weight watchers. And in the end no matter what I did, my ultimate result was maybe a 10 pound weight loss. And I worked HARD. My husband has always been supportive, to the point of following (with greater success) any of my cockamamie diets that were THE solution - at least for that moment. But I have never succeeded. I never even came close. It's depressing.
Eventually I realized that I needed something that would work. Something that I could not fail at. That's how I ended up back at the surgery notion. Back you say? Well, roughly ten years ago I decided to put my name on a list to have the gastric bypass surgery. I went down for a consultation (in T.) with the surgeon, and he said that I was a candidate for the surgery (hooray!), but the waiting list was three to four years long (boo!). But, if I wanted, I could have the lapband surgery in a matter of months (hooray!); however that procedure wasn't covered by OHIP so it would cost me roughly $20,000 (boo!). In the end, I chose to put my name on the four year wait list to get the free surgery (shockingly I did not have a spare $20K lying around looking for a purpose).
They never called. I guess that that was a good thing. I mean, one of my concerns was what if I wanted to have kids? Would it be safe? So life happened. I never got that call and eventually had 2 kids. So I have abused my body to the max, right? Lose this weight and short of menopause, I have no reason to gain it back.
So two years ago (February 2009) I was at home on mat leave. I was finding it particularly rough (I am so not a stay at home mom) and spent a few months re-evaluating my life and what I really wanted out of it, who I wanted to be. One of the conclusions I came to was that I couldn't continue down this road. I have always been incredibly healthy, but how long was that going to continue for? I was reticent about traveling, I mean how shameful would it be if I didn't fit into the plane seat (how embarrassing is it to admit that that might be a problem)? And really, I didn't want it to limit me with my girls. I always make a huge effort to ensure that my weight problems don't affect them, but again, that would eventually catch up to me and stop me. And the sappy reasons like, being around for their wedding day. But really, I want to shop. I know this sounds so unbelievably shallow, but that fact of the matter is I LOVE clothes, fashion and shopping. I don't want to be limited. I can't wait for this blog to morph from weight loss journey to shopping journey. That is what I really want! So I called around (in Quebec) and found several places and placed my name on their lists. But really I chose D-Ville for the fact that their wait list was only 1 1/2 years long. I followed up six months later, only to find out that my name was never put on the list the first time. Rectified that and ended up going for my first visit in June. By October 25, 2010 I had had my surgery.
So for now I just marvel at how my perceptions are changing. How my relationship with food is changing. As I mentioned in a previous post, I used to love savoring food. The texture, the taste, the combination of flavors - all so wonderful. I would eat for the love and taste. But now I just struggle through a meal without eating to fast, or not chewing enough. The end result always being a good puke session (which, frankly sucks and is reason enough to do it right). I had a bag of chips today at lunch (Please do NOT tell Kelly, I will never hear the end of it!), and I was unable to eat the rest of my lunch 'cause it filled me right up. Unheard of (in my previous "food life"). Also, the bag was one of those small ones (but not the smallest one), however I ate without thinking (literally mindless eating) and next thing I know, I am beyond stuffed AND I think I might puke... oh yeah, did not chew properly and ended up almost blocking.
So tonight we had "fajita" salad. Best meal I have had all week. If this keeps up, I really am going to end up vegenese (a.k.a vegetarian). All I really want is meals with lentil dishes (like when you go for the vegetarian platter at the Ethiopian restaurant) or ratatouille. P.S. I will gladly accept all AWESOME veggy dishes. This means that it must be a dish, with a recipe. Not just... "oooh I know what you could have, rapinin! I love rapini!". Seriously peeps, I am not down with eating veg straight up. Really.
Also, please keep your comments and questions coming. These chats are great. Thanks.
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